- Weekly Need
Top 25 Travel Destinations of 2021*
* as ranked by Real Simple COVID Travel & Leisure At Home
Just because you can’t board a plane to Bali, take a highspeed train through the Black Forest or ever, ever set foot on a cruise ship again doesn’t mean you have to give up adventure travel. Our expert team at Real Simple COVID Travel & Leisure At Home curated this list so you can continue your dream of prohibitively expensive travel that makes you seem more interesting while simultaneously draining your children’s inheritance. You’ll take an exotic trip every week, all within the safety and boundless excitement of your own home!
1. Safari Through the Spice Cabinet – There’s so much to explore. Star anise from 1987, or seven halfempty bottles of cumin, because you always assume you don’t have any once a year when you summon the courage to cook Indian.
2. Arctic Tour of the Garage – Bundle up and get ready to get hurt! No one returned the snowblower, the javelins or the chainsaw to their rightful places, but that’s just the beginning of this fun adventure through decades of home ownership faux pas. Keep an eye out for local wildlife - alarmingly bold and hungry rodents.
3. Teenage Bedroom Ziplining – You thought it was terrifying from the ground, now explore this foreign cornucopia of hormonal secrets from the air. A good stiff drink helps set the tone before takeoff.
4. World Tour of the Everything Drawer – Some overenthusiastic trekkers have lost fingers on this trip, so sturdy gloves are advised along with your thrill for the unknown. Beware the adult-themed corncob holders.
5. Great Wall of Never Used China – You always assumed there’d be an occasion to put this to use but when? Thanksgiving with your unstable brother-in-law, Election Day, your third divorce? Walk purposefully among the ruinous, irrational need for more dishes. Observe the patterns chosen back when you thought eating with relatives would be fun.
6. Novelty Shot Glass Valley – Oh the places you’ve been you’ll never go again! For some reason you always brought home a shot glass. For those who find this tour prohibitively intoxicating, please see “Snow Globe Trotting.”
7. Lost Continent of Canned Goods - Remember when you planned to cook regularly with coconut milk and chipotle peppers? Have a good cry as you meander through abandoned culinary dreams.
8. City of Abandoned Light Bulbs and Extension Cords – It’s just a dank closet in the basement, but you haven’t been in years so why not take a stroll? There’s lots of things here you’ve hunted for in rage, just waiting to be found when you don’t need them!
9. Bathroom Mirror Drug Jungle Tour – If you’re looking for new experiences with old habits, this is the place. Revisit the good old days, but without the hassle of waking up in a stranger’s apartment in Queens. Feel free to ignore expiration labels!
10. The Pub at Cobweb Corner – Basically this is just a few restless spiders drinking the blood of less advanced insects who were hapless enough to wander in, but a pub is a pub, especially in these unprecedented times.
11. Old Makeup Mecca – Remember when you felt the need for eyeliner? And some hope-fueled "artist" at Sephora convinced you that metallic shades were fine for someone your age? Re-live it all on this whirlwind tour of dollars ill spent.
12. Mythical Tower of Unopened Mail –There’s no telling what you might find on this gem of a jaunt. Unpleasant test results, alimony surprises, investments you don’t remember making and hadn’t realized you lost. Hours evaporate here. Bring food.
13. Haunted Tupperware Cove – An advanced adventure, this trip has been known to claim the lives of some inexperienced travelers. Those who can’t make order here are slowly driven insane by missing tops.
14. Rafting Trip on the River of Obsolete Electronic Devices - You meant to recycle these in a sustainable way, but let’s be honest, you have no idea how. Here they flow, bobbing in the predictable current of your eco-irresponsibility. Rafting concludes with a picnic lunch at…
15. Missing Charging Cords Plaza: Explore the stark beauty of this familiar yet awful place, where your children continue to take everything from you.
16. Ancient Condiment Ruins – While a good immune system is recommended for this chilly tour through the refrigerator door, some guests have made complete meals using only what they could find in this mythical land of discovery.
17. Forest of Criminally Expensive Hair Products – This destination is easily accessible, as it’s directly under your bathroom sink and behind your ego. There’s seemingly no end to vanity when it comes to your hair, and this trip proves it.
18. Archipelago of Analog Photos You Meant to do Something With – Oh, the frames they might have known! So many missed opportunities to make timeless canvas prints of your family while you could still stand living with them. This tour, while overly familiar, never gets old.
19. Forbidden Shed Tour – Once the domain of Man, you’re now free to enter since your Man left weeks ago claiming he needed “space.” Explore secret compartments in the hope you accidentally stumble upon answers to the secret of marriage.
20. Tomb of the Unknown Batteries – It’s a small plastic bucket of – you guessed it! Triple A, Double A, C – there’s every bra size here but like breasts, until you try to use them there’s no telling which ones work.
21. Great Wrapping Paper Remains – Carbon dating has proved ineffective in attempts to determine the age of these random sheets and measly rolls, which someone couldn’t bear to throw away. Your group will spend an evening discussing the hypocrisy of consumerism as you get plastered around a backyard bonfire of Amazon boxes.
22. Lint Pan Alley (Under Your Bed) – This city never sleeps, and you’re just in time for the most festive season – Sporadic Vacuuming Solstice. You could spend weeks here and still not see everything! Space is limited.
23. Rainforest of Sad Houseplants – Marvel at their natural beauty, fading with each day you can’t be bothered to water them. Hear their silent cries for freedom as you scale the heights of arboreal apathy.
24. The Unread Dunes of Nonfiction Island – Every earnest tome about the history of parsley, Roman hostage negotiation and 50 Cent’s autobiography live here, given to you by someone who clearly doesn’t know you at all.
Cracks in the Ceiling Guided Audio Tour – For less mobile travelers and those prone to existential despair. You’ll observe the little things you never took the time to appreciate, like permanent water stains and tiny insects you hope aren’t fleas.