Did You Remember?

You've left the house for the day.

Time to ask yourself the questions that would have been helpful yesterday.

Did you remember to turn off the stove? You definitely didn't, because you never turned it on. Your children are lucky if breakfast involves anything involving refrigeration.

Did you remember to brush your teeth today? (You can always floss in the car.)

Did you remember to text the carpool about who's driving to soccer practice tonight? Wait. it's you. Who are you driving? Does your kid even play soccer?

Did you remember to charge your phone so you can spend your commute arranging your child's transportation details for the next three days?

Did you remember to put the wet clothes in the dryer, and the dry clothes in the pile that no one else in your family will ever fold?

Did you remember to sign up for a volunteer slot at the school book sale / concert / play / fundraiser / recess duty / library / time management talk?

Did you remember deodorant?

Ditto tampon?

Did you remember to email your son's teacher about his solar system model not being ready for the big class presentation because the yellow sun paint is still wet, because someone you're married to swore the deadline was next Tuesday?

Did you remember to make the appointment with the marriage counselor?

Did you remember to respond to your parents' emails about the plans for next Thanksgiving?

Did you remember to call the gas company about the weird noise?

Did you remember to take your middle school daughter's phone away, because this time you really mean it?

Did you remember to call the tire place about taking off your snow tires? It is almost May.

Did you remember to buy advance tickets for the next Avengers movie, because tragically, no one else in your household can operate the internet?

Did you remember to schedule that guy who can come Wednesday between 1 and 3 to fix the thing?

Did you remember to call your sister to see if she could wait at your house for the guy next Wednesday in exchange for letting her borrow your Stuart Weitzman heels?

Did you remember to lie to your spouse about how much fixing the thing costs?

Did you remember to buy tickets for the 5th grade concert tonight?

Did you remember to unload the dishwasher?

Did you remember you're actually going to Cleveland tonight for a business trip?

Did you remember to load the dishwasher?

Did you remember to go to the dry cleaner to get your suit for the business trip? You really should get a manicure too, and your roots would do better in that meeting if you could remember to book Allesandro sometime before the flight to Cleveland.

Did you remember to buy the yogurt tube things in that special flavor that you can only get at Trader Joe's?

Did you remember to think of something to do with all the wrong flavor yogurt tubes you bought by accident?

Did you remember to stop the mail, cancel the newspaper, call the cat sitter for the vacation?

Did you remember to click "Purchase Tickets" on Expedia?

Did you remember to return the bathing suit you bought in a drunken burst of misguided optimism during that girls weekend?

Did you remember to feed the cat? In fact, when was the last time you saw the cat?

Did you remember to give thanks today?

Did you remember to return that book you borrowed from Jen about "Daily Gratitude?" Fucking Jen. She's such a good person. You must be too if Jen is friends with you, right?

Did you remember to call your mother, and badger your husband to call his?

Did you remember to give blood?

Did you remember to give sweat and tears?

Did you remember to wonder what would happen if only women ran businesses and countries?

Did you remember to "enjoy every minute because it goes by so fast?"

All done? Congratulations! Now you can go to work and start your day!